Chapter 53: Awkward Feeling

People who do not study anymore will not feel the fear. People do not understand the fear of exam and therefore they said, "Don't worry. You can do it."

However, by their words "You can do it.", it really sounds very encouraging. Thanks to those who say that to me. I will do my best for the exam.

Exam week is from 11th to 15th May 2009. I have escaped exam for a long time. Now this is the time which I need to face exam again. I understand the Lord is training me to face my fear.

At the same time, I feel nervous, and feel excited. What kind of feeling is this? It really sounds a bit awkward. However, this is a funny fact. Should I be panic or happy? Sounds crazy, readers!

Hebrew Exam is one of the toughest exams. I tell you, you will crack your head when you study that subject. I am very sure of that.

Anyway, time really flies. Without noticing the time, it is going to be May 2009. I had completed one semester of Theology. This is pretty cool, huh?

God, be my guide. Guide me through the time of exam. God, thank you very much.

Chapter 46: Good Friday

Today, I went to Pastor Soo Jean’s cellgroup.

I found that it was different today. We celebrated Good Friday in the cellgroup. Indeed, I really enjoyed very much.

Home Holy Communion and Big Feast on Good Friday
There are Pastor Soo Jean, Jenny, Michelle, Brian, Sean and others. I had lots of laughter at that night. It’s been a while that I did not laugh for a long time. Jenny and Michelle really “sayang” me in the cellgroup. I felt very pampered. Ha ha… Thanks them very much. Like two sisters looking after a brother though I am older than them...

Why are we celebrating Good Friday?

Surely it reflected about how Jesus died on the cross on us. Indeed, He felt the pain and sorrow. He was rejected and despised by others. He was lonely even a time when God was not with Him when He cried out. From this Good Friday, I certainly know that Jesus really understands my problems. To think carefully, my life sucks pretty much. Yet Jesus is here with me.

Good Friday, it’s a wonderful day to reflect how my Savior bled for me; how He forgives my sins; how He loves me.

Wonderful Jesus Christ.

John 11:25
"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;"

Jesus is already risen; no longer on the cross; NOW sitting at the right hand of the Father.

Chapter 45: Yes, this is a Joke

Continued from previous chapter...

On 4th April 2009, I gave up my assignment. Thinking in mind,

“Oh God! I do not think I can finish it today! God, forgive me.”

I made a confession to God at night on 3rd April 2009.

Confession:
God, I am so sorry for my carelessness.
I have failed You, God, for not studying well.
I have not been a good student to keep myself alert.
I know this is my entire fault.
For I am the one who is to be blamed for forgetfulness.

God, Your will be done.
If I fail this assignment, I deserve it.
I have no complaint and argument. I accept my own lot.
Most of all, please forgive me for what I’ve done (including my sin).

Readers, you know this is my fault. Ha ha…
Hence, I gave up my assignment on that day. I did not hand up my work. I felt upset and discouraged. Suddenly, there is a young lady, who was in the same class with me, walking past my office. She saw me typing something and asked, “Jack, what are you doing? You seem worried. Many things to do?”

“No. I am rushing my New Testament assignment. Today is due date. So, you have already handed up your assignment?” I asked with a hopeless expression.

“No.” she replied happily.

“You did not do your assignment too?” I exclaimed surprisingly.

“Why should I do it? I personally asked the lecturer about the assignment on last Monday. He said he has not thought of any topic yet. So we don’t have to do.” she, laughing at me, said.

“You mean…?”

“Yes, Jack. We don’t have to do. He postponed the due date to May. He will tell us which topic we should do.”

GOD! I LOVE YOU!
GOD! I AM ALIVE AGAIN!

YAHOO!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Psalms 16:8
“I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Readers, this is crazy, man.
Yesterday, I went to ask one of my classmates about the DUE DATE assignment, he was shocked and said the same thing as I did, “WHAT?! I totally forgot about the assignment!”

Chapter 44: God, this must be a Joke, right?

On 2 April 2009, on the way back home, Vun Hui said, “Oh! I have not finished my New Testament essay.”

I remained silent, thinking in my mind, “You only need to hand up the research report every Tuesday. You have plenty of time. Why do you worry so much?”

“I hope I can hand up the essay on this coming Saturday.” He, worriedly, murmured.

“Why do you need to hand up on this Saturday?” I, in an unclear view, asked.

He was shocked when I said that.
“What? Do you not know that the due date is on 4 April? It means this Saturday.” He replied.

I still wondered what he was trying to say.
“What essay?”

Once again, he was againshocked This time, he screamed “Wah~! Jack! Do you not know that we have a major assignment which contains 20% of this subject score?”

WHAT?!

When I reached home, I immediately searched the syllabus of New Testament. That it is written right at the bottom of the paper:

“Write a 3000 words essay related to an aspect of the course-work not treated in lectures, to be submitted by the end of the second week after Reading Week (i.e. by 4th April 2009).”



WHAT THE…?
I even highlighted the date “4th April 2009”.

Oh God! I am so stuck in ministry and study. I totally forgot about this MAJOR assignment. (Ok, I admit this is my own fault. No one is to be blamed except me.)

Now what? 2 days left?! You must be kidding! This must be a JOKE, right? In 2 days time, I need to do super rapid reading, and do much research. After that, I need to write out a 3000 words (roughly 10 pages with Bibliography and Table of Content) in less than 24 hours?!

In school, I have to study for Hebrew exam, prepare a preaching sermon for my Homiletics exam, and hand up two weekly reports on Field Education and New Testament. All of these are to be handed up next week!!

In ministry, I have to prepare my Saturday sermon for ASC youth. And I have to shoot a Youth Easter video for Easter Day. And I need to prepare for the Youth Alpha sermon. I am SO BUSY during this weekend.

I am once again stuck in ministry and study with this GREAT 20% major assignment.

God, I need Your strength!

Lord, I am totally tired but I am not giving up!!
Doing rapid research!! I must finish the assignment!!


The Assignment is DUE TODAY!

Psalms 13:2
“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?”

To be Continued...

Chapter 43: Miss the Feeling

During the fellowship of family group, Dr Frank Gee, my lecturer, asked me, “Do you have any good news to tell us? How has God blessed your week?”

“2 new friends who are non-Christians accepted Christ on last Saturday.” I gladly answered.

“That was indeed GREAT news, Jack! Praise the Lord!” he joyfully exclaimed.

Dr Frank Gee and his wife, Diane
These 2 new friends are the ones who will attend the Youth Alpha as I had mentioned in previous chapter. During the Earth Hour, I challenged the 2 new friends who were Non-Christians in youth cell. I was really glad that my youth really started to bring new friends into youth cell. I know that I need to grab every opportunity to share gospel to non Christians. I believe that it is not easy to bring new friends to church. My youth must be putting a lot of efforts to invite her friends to church. I did not want to waste her efforts and we bring no fruit in the end.

The good thing is that when the 2 new friends received Christ, my youths (two girls) were so happy! It seems that ASC youth has no one who received Christ for a long time. The moment I approached them and said, “Good news! The new friends had just received Christ. Follow them up properly. Write this in your cell report.”

One of the girls was so joyfully that she was jumping up and down, lifting up her hands saying, “Yahoo! Today is really my good day.”

This is the real joy which I had mentioned in Chapter 35: Unspeakable Joy. Even though I did not react like her, I was so joyful in my heart, praising God, saying, “God, all glory be to You. Thank You for using me in Your Kingdom”

It has been a long time that I did not share gospel. I have challenged only 6 persons to receive Jesus Christ last year: 2 in KK, 1 in Australia (through MSN) and 3 in Tawau. I know "6 persons" is very little, quite shameful. It is really joyful though when you see someone whom you challenge has received Christ.

ASC youth leaders and I

I kinda miss the feeling of evangelism.
God, I still remember my prayer request
– to preach the gospel in front of millions.

I wish that really happened in my life.
God, please fulfill my wish.

Please... God... (begging for God's mercy)

Romans 10:15
“And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

Chapter 42: Please God or Men?

Continued from Chapter 41: Unacceptable Attitude

Readers, if you were me, can you stand those arrogant boys’ attitude? Do you feel disappointed when those people disrespect our God and show no reverence to our God?

On the same night, while I was helping out the Adult Alpha Course, there was an aunt asking me curiously, “Jack, why are you so fierce and strict to ASAA students? Are you scared actually?”

WHAT THE...? I'm scared?

Adult Alpha Course
Normally, when a person speaks loudly in public, it is because he wants to overcome his fear towards the people. However, this aunt got it all wrong. Am I scared?

Absolutely NO!!

Those, who are close to me, should know that I am not welcomed by many. I do not even care about my reputation especially when it comes to a stage where I have to stand firm in the presence of God. Am I here to please God or please men?

Galatians 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

That aunt, acting like a teacher, continued to said, “Jack, you should not speak so loudly. You should speak gently to those students. You will scare them away. These students are different. You need to deal them with love, gentleness and softness.”

I forgave her for she did not know the whole situation. Deal with gentleness and softness? Come on, man!
Are they still babies? Need me to spoon-feed them? It is because they are different, so I should rebuke them seriously. Even the Junior students are better than them.

ASAA Junior Students
Did she know that the senior students were sleeping while I was mobilizing Youth Alpha? Am I supposed to say gently, "Hello, everyone. Please wake up. Listen to me, please."

This is NOT CHILDREN CELL.

When I spoke loudly to them, does it mean I don’t love them? Indeed, it will not affect my emotion even if there are only 2 persons who attend the Youth Alpha. My task is to share the gospel. Even if there are only 2 persons, I will still share the gospel wholeheartedly.

Do you think I will feel very down and upset because the attendance is only 2 persons?

Of course not!

Think carefully!! If only 2 persons came to Youth Alpha, this shows that the Favor of God falls on these 2 persons.

How blessed are
those who hear and receive the gospels sincerely.

When you met this kind of situation and you know you will waste your time explaining the whole program (because you know they will not listen), is it wrong to speak loudly to get their attention?
I teach you!! If you face this in future, you should give them a strong and powerful rebuke.

To me, I have done my part sincerely. I, as a servant of God, represent God to promote His word (Youth Alpha) to people. Now who’s not listening? Can I control their mind? Even in the Old Testament, the prophets scolded and rebuked the people, do you think they will be welcomed by the people? Do you think they are loved by people? Do you think the people listen? When the prophets scolded and rebuked the people, does it mean they did not love the people?


Readers, Who likes to be scolded and rebuked by me? No one likes it! In fact, this is my true love to them. I tell you the truth. If I do not even rebuke those senior students, it means I do not care about their salvation. If they come to Youth Alpha, I will surely take it seriously to share the gospel to them.