Chapter 123: A Dark Period Of Silence

There was a moment which I did not blog.
People asking me where I am,
what I am doing, when am I going to appear again... also asking what the fish is going on in my life...

That was because I was...
in a dark period of silence

As life still went on, I faced a tremendous stress. I was thinking about my financial stability. When I stepped out into society, I began to understand more about reality and expose even more challenges. My network began to grow - a wide range of people...

As I moved on meeting people, I began to feel restless, and found many people had their finance stable. As for me, what did I have?

Nothing at all to stay survived.

When those dark moments came, my anger aroused, my fear trembled, my stress overwhelmed... People around me worried; they are absolutely upset about my bad situation, some even cried.

I felt a strong darkness started to grow within, and I was confused who I used to be. I even asked "God, where am I? Am i going to be a 'devil'?"

God, I am not worthy at all for Your mercy, but I plead for mercy. Bring me back to You. I hurt my loved ones; I could not control my anger; I did not understand why I become like that.

Negative thoughts knocked on my door; My sense of hope turned away from me. That was one of the darkest moments which I ever encountered. Yet my dear friends were looking for me, and caring for me. The love of God still reminded me who He is. However, my heart was as hard as stone. Even my disciples came to encourage me, yet I offended them, and they were hurt in return. At that time, who can help me? Who am I?
A monster? A person who cooperated with darkness? Then who is God to me?

The power of darkness grew within, and confusing my mind, saying that I was not belonging to the church anymore. The mind came telling me "The church will not care for you anymore." I lost my trust towards them. The darkness blinded my eyes saying "In order to succeed, power of darkness MUST BE compromised." My loved ones could not even talk to me, and they were sad to complain about my temper. They cried bitterly "God, show Your mercy." My mindset told me to sin, and do something illegal, tempting me "Easy money comes from the dark."

As I was about to enter into darkness, God showed His mercy. He opened my eyes and once again, I saw His glory. At that time, God reminded me,

"I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." (Isaiah 48:17)

Psalms 118:5-6
“In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Chapter 61: One Step Closer

MSN window popped out, saying “Tired…”

“What’s up?”
“Wanna rest! Lunch later?”
“Ya! Having lunch together?”
“Ok, lunch at Wisma Merdeka.”
“Where about in Wisma Merdeka?”
“Near Coffee Bean, it’s called ChocoCafe.”

Huh…? ChocoCafe?

When I reached ChocoCafe, Timmie was waiting there with George. I was wondering that Timmie likes that kind of place… Wow!

I ordered Turkey Ham sandwich. And it was delicious. I believe it is good to eat light lunch sometimes. Timmie ordered crab sticks… This is so funny. I did not know she prefers finger foods. Now it will be easier for me to bring her for meals. Feed her with fries, nuggets, and sandwiches…

My Turkey Ham Sandwich. Hmmm...
During the lunch, we actually discussed a youth who was lonely. That youth (a girl) always think that no one will care for her. Nobody wants to know about her misery. I was thinking that most of the people in this world are really sorrowful. However, I was glad in one thing. This girl looked for me in MSN and shares her sorrow to me. I thought this is pretty miserable. I asked in my heart, “Jesus, how would you feel?”

Timmie and her favorite Crab sticks
Timmie said that she showed sympathy to this youth too. She actually asked me a few times, saying, “How is she? What happened in her life? I wanna know.” When I heard that, I was actually feeling that Jesus would feel the compassion for that youth too.

Readers, why are there so much sorrow in this world? I wanna state the real fact – there are many people who are very lonely and sad. This is my miserable experience. I dare to test you one thing. When you are alone, suddenly you will feel moody and miserable. Bad thoughts came into your mind. And you start to think life sucks! Today, more than 20 people came to me and share that they are lonely and sad.

I just wanna ensure you one thing. Life is yours. Do not say, “Well, this is LIFE…”

Change your life!
Pursue righteousness!
Make a breakthrough in your life!
Live your life to the FULL!

Hey! Guess what! I am moving one step closer to my success of life. And I will surely achieve my goal and dream. I will tell the whole world about Jesus. God, I wanna change the minds of the sorrowful people.

Jesus, lead me on!!

Proverbs 21:21
“He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.”

Chapter 59: I Want My Life Back

When I was surfing in facebook yesterday, I saw many sad posts from my friends.

“… am crying.”
“… hope it will be fine. Really scare of troubles now.”
“… am not in the mood. I felt very disappointed.”
“… miss my parrot badly.”
“… is sick.”
“… is very sad. I thought…”
“… Life sucks!”
“… is stupid to cry. I have to be strong.”
“… my parents do not care for me. I wanna cry.”
“… why my heart is so painful now?”

I used to be like that a few months ago. This is really miserable. And I know that I have to stand stronger in Christ. Therefore, I wanna say that life without God will bring sadness. Readers, put God first in your life.

Now I am very happy with my life. (I do not say “forever”.) I have good friends around me. They will support me and encourage me. I will stand even stronger and forget my past.

I felt blessed that many friends supported me when I posted “Jack’s Stuff wanna start pursuing one of his goals – photography.” I will not be the same. I will change my life into good.

Right now, I want my life back.
I wanna be the old Jack’s Stuff again.
I will pursue my dreams and goals.

With God, I will be successful.

Psalms 118:25
"O LORD, save us; O LORD, grant us success."

Chapter 57: Jack, Wouldn't you be Sad?

My dear disciples (Gabriel Pang and Jack Mok) were asking me, “Jack, would you not be sad?”

I thoughtfully answered them,

“Though I am sad, I must show a good example to you all. Since I had made this decision, I shall never turn back. I shall never return and ask for a second chance.”

“Never will I shed a single tear. I shall move forward and live on my life to the fullest.”

“Since this is the fact, it is useless to weep. Whether we laugh or cry, the fact still remained. I shall have no regret!”

“Since we had written this story, we should accept it with sincerity and humility.”

“I am your leader. I had shown you my mistakes. Do not follow my mistakes. Learn from it.”

“Leader is supposed to lead you closer to God. Mistakes which leaders had made can bring teachings to his disciples.”

“God will guide me even better in time of wounds. I will not fall, because I fix my eyes on Jesus once again.”

“Never return back pitifully to the people whom you used to desire with. When they saw your faith, they will respect you even more. They will learn from your strength and endurance.”

“Mark my word. Do not follow my mistake. Always put Jesus first in your life.”

“Things around you can cause you disappointment. People around you can cause you to fall. Do not put them first in your life. God… You must put God first as your first priority of life.”

“God never disappoint us. God never make us fall. When we humbly come to Him, He will lift us up. God promises to love those who put Him first in their life.”

“With God, you lack nothing. With people, you lack love. With things, you lack security.”

“I confess to you that I put the wrong focus in my life. Therefore, I had my fall terribly and miserably. However, I thank God that I manage to set my focus back to God again. Do not repeat my mistakes in your life. Be strong in Jesus Christ. Amen?”

Gabriel Pang and Jack Mok received a lot from this lesson. In the end, Jack Mok concluded,

“I can see that you are much joyful than before.”

Hebrews 13:5
"because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Chapter 35: Unspeakable Joy

Who can actually explain what joy is all about? We can only say, “We have joy in Christ.” However, people always asked, “Why do Christians still feel sad and sorrowful even though they have Jesus Christ?” Sometimes we really misunderstand the meaning of “joy”.

I was very nervous about my “History of Christianity” assignment. I earnestly prayed for a good result. You may not understand why I felt it that way. Here is my bad past. I admit that I used to be a bad student who never studied at all. I wasted my parents’ hard-earned money. Even till a stage, where I even failed my Degree in New Zealand. I always despised myself and I thought that Study is never the thing for me.

I hate study,; I hate books. After failing the degree, I actually had a phobia in studying. Whenever I heard about test or exam which needs to use my intellectual thoughts, I will feel totally scared. I will always escape from intellectual test and exam. I hate reading books.

Running away from books for 7 years
In STS, I felt nervous about my study. I spent more hours than others on my research. I spent more hours to gain my understanding in studies. I am not smart and intelligent. I am usually slower than others. However, I cherish this opportunity to study in STS. I wanted to overcome my fear. I am passionate for the Word of God. I prayed so hard for every assignment. I have to study very hard but I have so many ministries on my hands. To cope with my study and ministry at the same time, how can it be? God, have mercy on me.

On 11 March 2009, I saw the “History of Christianity” assignment in my box when I walked into the student lodge. Fearfully I grabbed the paper; I did not dare to look at it. I prayed hard, “God, please… I do not want to be the Jack in New Zealand. I really hope to pass.”



95 marks!! Serious?!

I was staring at the paper for a few seconds of silence. I put the paper into my chest. Body seemed to bend down and place my head on the wall. Tears almost fell out of my eyes. At that time, I really understand the meaning of “joy”. I closed my eyes, saying in mind, “Thank You, God! Thank You, God!”

Though that moment was just a short glimpse, yet that was what I called “unspeakable joy”. That’s amazing, God.

Deuteronomy 16:15
“For the LORD your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.”

Ephesians 5:20
“always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Chapter 6: Malaysia C Walk Legend

Written on February 2008



I think when people heard about Jack’s Stuff. Mostly, they will recall about music, MTV, photography… and CWALK! There was one time that Benjamin and I went to Centerpoint, KK. He heard some people looking at me, saying “Look! The CWalk guy!”, “Jack’s Stuff!”, “CWalk!”
















The Crip Walk, or C-Walk, is a steady movement of the feet used to spell out gang-related symbols and images. It originated in the early 1970s in Compton, a poor suburb of Los Angeles, California, popularly referenced in rap lyrics. What began as a symbolic movement of the feet in the early 1980s, soon inspired a hip-hop dance in the late 1990s. This style of dance today is known as the Crip Walk.

A common practice for Crip members is to use the C-Walk to celebrate the initiation of a new member. It is also largely believed that the C-Walk was used as a warning to other gangs of a future attack by the Crips, or as a signal in a robbery. For example, the lookout would stand outside of the store and act as surveillance, while the robbers would lay in wait and await the signal: the C-Walk. Allegedly, Crips would also C-Walk after shooting or killing a rival gang memberin celebration.

The Clown Walk (also known as the C-Walk) refers to a modern dance style, usually done to hip hop music. It is a variation of the Crip walk, a gang related dance. Clown Walking, however, was created to distance the relationship between the dance style and the Crips gang. Another variation of Clown Walking is Crown walking, which focuses mostly on flow rather than speed and flash.
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Why do I still CWalk then? There are a lot of people who complain and rebuke me for CWalk culture… I don’t care how they think. I do it in a right way. CWalk is for passion and fun.

Everyone must believe one truth. All creations come from Jesus, even CWalk! I am saying to the Christians now. Remember! All Creations worship Jesus. Amen.

I don’t adapt in the Gangster culture, or anything evil. I just wanted to CWalk for the Glory of God.










How does it happen that I started my CWalk?
I know a dance called Shuffle. Tono is one of my youths in Labuan. Currently, he studies in Singapore. Before he left for studies, he showed me Shuffle dance in youtube because he is a shuffler. If you type “Shuffle Malaysia” in youtube, you will know how it looks like. After watching the shuffle, Tono saw a video named “CWalk”. Then he checked on the video. That’s how I get to know CWalk in the first place.












Tono said that CWalk is really cool. And many people had failed to CWalk because the footworks are very complicated. He himself is a shuffler, but he prefers CWalk. Then I asked him a question, “Anyone does CWalk in Malaysia?” He replied, “No… I see no video of Malaysia CWalk in youtube.”

In my mind, I prayed to Jesus, “Lord, I want this CWalk to be a legend in Malaysia.

Let me be the first one who starts a video about CWalk Legend in Malaysia. Let me be the light of the world through CWalk. I wanna make a difference and glorify Your Holy name through CWalk.”

I said to Tono that I would like to try CWalk. He said this to me, “Jack, this is going to be tough. It takes a long time to master it.” Then I said to Jesus, “By one month, I will master the footwork of CWalk in the name of Jesus. May the Lord help me!”

I know one day in Malaysia, CWalk will be very famous. Many people will start to CWalk. If I don’t start CWalking now, it would be too late to catch up with the new generation. After that one month, I went to a new place called Tawau. In Tawau, no one knows about CWalk. I did my CWalk practices where no one was around. Accidentally, someone saw my CWalk. And that’s how the people in Tawau started their CWalk journey.

















CWalk in KK. Click the link below...
Jack’s Stuff C Walk in KK.


Many people had known me through CWalk. They will acknowledge me as a Christian.
I am in the success of seeking the Greater Glory of God. No one understands, but Jesus is the only one who knows my heart.

Let His name be widespread throughout Malaysia in my CWalk video. His name is to be lifted up high forever! Amen!

CWalk is one of the ways of life. You must CWalk into a level where everyone can feel the groove and relaxation in your CWalk. Make sure everyone can see every step of our footwork, yet they can’t learn from seeing it. This is what I called professional CWalk. My CWalk is Crown Walk.