Chapter 59: I Want My Life Back

When I was surfing in facebook yesterday, I saw many sad posts from my friends.

“… am crying.”
“… hope it will be fine. Really scare of troubles now.”
“… am not in the mood. I felt very disappointed.”
“… miss my parrot badly.”
“… is sick.”
“… is very sad. I thought…”
“… Life sucks!”
“… is stupid to cry. I have to be strong.”
“… my parents do not care for me. I wanna cry.”
“… why my heart is so painful now?”

I used to be like that a few months ago. This is really miserable. And I know that I have to stand stronger in Christ. Therefore, I wanna say that life without God will bring sadness. Readers, put God first in your life.

Now I am very happy with my life. (I do not say “forever”.) I have good friends around me. They will support me and encourage me. I will stand even stronger and forget my past.

I felt blessed that many friends supported me when I posted “Jack’s Stuff wanna start pursuing one of his goals – photography.” I will not be the same. I will change my life into good.

Right now, I want my life back.
I wanna be the old Jack’s Stuff again.
I will pursue my dreams and goals.

With God, I will be successful.

Psalms 118:25
"O LORD, save us; O LORD, grant us success."

Chapter 35: Unspeakable Joy

Who can actually explain what joy is all about? We can only say, “We have joy in Christ.” However, people always asked, “Why do Christians still feel sad and sorrowful even though they have Jesus Christ?” Sometimes we really misunderstand the meaning of “joy”.

I was very nervous about my “History of Christianity” assignment. I earnestly prayed for a good result. You may not understand why I felt it that way. Here is my bad past. I admit that I used to be a bad student who never studied at all. I wasted my parents’ hard-earned money. Even till a stage, where I even failed my Degree in New Zealand. I always despised myself and I thought that Study is never the thing for me.

I hate study,; I hate books. After failing the degree, I actually had a phobia in studying. Whenever I heard about test or exam which needs to use my intellectual thoughts, I will feel totally scared. I will always escape from intellectual test and exam. I hate reading books.

Running away from books for 7 years
In STS, I felt nervous about my study. I spent more hours than others on my research. I spent more hours to gain my understanding in studies. I am not smart and intelligent. I am usually slower than others. However, I cherish this opportunity to study in STS. I wanted to overcome my fear. I am passionate for the Word of God. I prayed so hard for every assignment. I have to study very hard but I have so many ministries on my hands. To cope with my study and ministry at the same time, how can it be? God, have mercy on me.

On 11 March 2009, I saw the “History of Christianity” assignment in my box when I walked into the student lodge. Fearfully I grabbed the paper; I did not dare to look at it. I prayed hard, “God, please… I do not want to be the Jack in New Zealand. I really hope to pass.”



95 marks!! Serious?!

I was staring at the paper for a few seconds of silence. I put the paper into my chest. Body seemed to bend down and place my head on the wall. Tears almost fell out of my eyes. At that time, I really understand the meaning of “joy”. I closed my eyes, saying in mind, “Thank You, God! Thank You, God!”

Though that moment was just a short glimpse, yet that was what I called “unspeakable joy”. That’s amazing, God.

Deuteronomy 16:15
“For the LORD your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.”

Ephesians 5:20
“always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”