Chapter 124: God Changes Life

In the dark period, lacking of money, thinking of something easy to grab some money...

In the darkness, it told me, "No business? Work in the pub is good. Or selling something illegal. Why work so hard for an income? Here it goes, come with me and you will see your reward."

At that time, I was craving for money. However, I was very clear that I could not sin against God. I must earn money which is legally pleased to God.
I MUST NOT SIN! God, I need to have finance to move on life. Why is the darkness knocking on my door? Is God still being in my life? I have lost my sense of God?

As I was thinking about money, I was going straight to Centerpoint. As I was entering the entrance, I saw two girls walking in front of me. When they were about to take the escalator, I saw something dropped from one girl's pocket. As I moved forward to see what it is,

...it was a stack of RM50 notes.
(Could be RM500)

Without hesitation, I picked it up and called "HEY! The girl over there...! You drop your money." Immediately, they turned back and they were amazed that I returned her the money. They thanked me and continued our own ways. After that, something stroked through my mind, saying
"I thought I need money seriously?!"

Sitting down on a chair, thinking "God, it must be You who have changed my life brightly. If I do not have You, I must confess... I would steal the money if I was a young boy. If You are not in my life, I would not return back the money especially the time when I was in need of money. If You are not in my life, I will not automatically do a good deed by returning money when I was critically facing financial problem."

"I am amazed by You, God. You do not let me gone astrayed, and my life is still in Your love. You had changed me into a better person who would not EVEN think of stealing when I saw the RM50 notes. Seriously, I know I need You, instead of money. My body, my soul, my spirit, my all, they need You. I would understand You will be my provider. Indeed, I would say...

You reign in my life."

Jonah 2:6
"To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God."

Chapter 123: A Dark Period Of Silence

There was a moment which I did not blog.
People asking me where I am,
what I am doing, when am I going to appear again... also asking what the fish is going on in my life...

That was because I was...
in a dark period of silence

As life still went on, I faced a tremendous stress. I was thinking about my financial stability. When I stepped out into society, I began to understand more about reality and expose even more challenges. My network began to grow - a wide range of people...

As I moved on meeting people, I began to feel restless, and found many people had their finance stable. As for me, what did I have?

Nothing at all to stay survived.

When those dark moments came, my anger aroused, my fear trembled, my stress overwhelmed... People around me worried; they are absolutely upset about my bad situation, some even cried.

I felt a strong darkness started to grow within, and I was confused who I used to be. I even asked "God, where am I? Am i going to be a 'devil'?"

God, I am not worthy at all for Your mercy, but I plead for mercy. Bring me back to You. I hurt my loved ones; I could not control my anger; I did not understand why I become like that.

Negative thoughts knocked on my door; My sense of hope turned away from me. That was one of the darkest moments which I ever encountered. Yet my dear friends were looking for me, and caring for me. The love of God still reminded me who He is. However, my heart was as hard as stone. Even my disciples came to encourage me, yet I offended them, and they were hurt in return. At that time, who can help me? Who am I?
A monster? A person who cooperated with darkness? Then who is God to me?

The power of darkness grew within, and confusing my mind, saying that I was not belonging to the church anymore. The mind came telling me "The church will not care for you anymore." I lost my trust towards them. The darkness blinded my eyes saying "In order to succeed, power of darkness MUST BE compromised." My loved ones could not even talk to me, and they were sad to complain about my temper. They cried bitterly "God, show Your mercy." My mindset told me to sin, and do something illegal, tempting me "Easy money comes from the dark."

As I was about to enter into darkness, God showed His mercy. He opened my eyes and once again, I saw His glory. At that time, God reminded me,

"I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." (Isaiah 48:17)

Psalms 118:5-6
“In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”